Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
