I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
