either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
