where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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