I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
