he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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