Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
