I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
