I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
