I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
