i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize