if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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