you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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