the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
