Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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