I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
