Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
