You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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