He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
