my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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