I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
