You smell like stripper and shame
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
