I molested 6 butterflies tonight
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
