elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
