i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
