I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
