I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
