oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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