Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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