Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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