I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
