Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
