I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
