it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
