He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
