is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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