i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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