When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
