she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
