1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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