i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
