and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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