You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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