Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
