we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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