Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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