I hate all girls vehemently.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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