Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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