like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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