So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
