I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
