You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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