How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
