i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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