you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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