dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
