Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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