I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
