the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
