There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
