you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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