**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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