let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
