I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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