"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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