She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
