you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
