You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
