Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
