So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
