we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
