thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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