I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
