Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
