I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
