Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
