You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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