we made out on top of his cat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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