Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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