3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
