You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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