I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
