she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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