Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
