U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
