uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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