Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
