you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
